Blonde
Humor
From Tom Antion & Associates
Make money pulling practical jokes
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WARNING!!! Dont' even think about using this humor in a professional presentation unless, of course, you are blonde, and the occasion and audience profile would allow it.
She was so blonde......
she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
she got stabbed in a shoot-out.
she told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK."
she sat on the TV and watched the couch.
she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
she tried to drown a fish.
she thought a quarterback was a refund.
she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
if you gave her a penny for her thoughts, you'd get change back.
they had to burn the school down to get her out of third grade.
under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics."
she tripped over a cordless phone.
A blonde woman competed with a brunette woman and a redheaded woman in the Breast
Stroke division of the English Channel swim competition. The brunette came in first, the
redhead second. The blonde woman finally reached shore hours later, completely exhausted.
After being revived with blankets and coffee, she remarked breathlessly, "I don't
want to complain, but I think those other two girls used their arms!..."
A young woman went to her doctor complaining of pain. "Where are you hurting?", asked the Dr. "You have to help me, I hurt all over", she said. "All over? Be a little more specific". said the Dr. The woman touched her right knee with her index finger & yelled. "Ow, that hurts." Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, "That hurts, too." Then she touched her right earlobe,"That even hurts," she cried. The Dr. looked at her thoughtfully for a moment & asked, "Are you a natural blonde?" "Why, yes," she said. "I thought so," said the doctor, "You have a broken finger."
Once upon a time, a blonde became so sick of hearing blonde jokes that she had her hair cut and died brown. A few days later, as she was driving around the countryside, she stopped her car to let a flock of sheep pass. Admiring the cute woolly creatures, she said to the shepherd, "If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one?" The shepherd, always the gentleman replied, "Of course." The blonde thought for a moment and for no discernible reason said, "Three hundred and fifty two." This being the correct number, the shepherd was, understandably, totally amazed. "You're right!" he exclaimed. "I'll keep to my end of the deal. Take your pick of my flock."
The blonde carefully considered the entire flock and finally picked one that was by far cuter and more playful than any of the others. When she was done, the shepherd turned to her and said, "O.K., now I have a proposition for you. If I can guess your true hair color, can I have my dog back?"
How are a Budweiser beer bottle and a Blonde alike? They are both empty from the neck up.
Why does a Blonde keep empty beer bottles in her fridge? They are for those who don't drink!
What do you call a dead Blonde in a closet? 1984 hide and seek champ.
How did the Blonde die ice fishing? She got ran over by the Zamboni.
Why did the Blonde stare at a can of frozen orange juice? Because it said concentrate.
Why was the Blonde proud for finishing a puzzle in only six months? The box said "2 to 4 years!"
What did the Blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? "I wonder if it's mine?"
Why do Blondes always smile during lightning storms? They think their picture is being taken.
Why do Blondes have "TGIF" written on their shoes? Toes Go In First.
Why shouldn't Blondes have coffee breaks? It takes too long to retrain them.
Two Blondes observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. Linda: "I can't seem to get this door unlocked!" Sylvie: "Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder, its starting to rain and the top is down!"
How does a Blonde change a light bulb? She holds the bulb in the socket and waits for the world to go around.
